Boy, socialism really does pay.
Sen. Bernie Sanders, a socialist from Vermontistan, spent 2016 preaching his favorite socialist ideologies. His fans ate it up like candy. He packed arenas and fairgrounds across the country bashing The One Percent, spouting off about the proletariat and vowing that, if elected president, he would take from the rich and give to the poor. A modern-day Robin Hood, albeit in a baggy, ill-fitting suit, that Bernie.
Where else but America would that make you a millionaire?!
Mr. Sanders, in his newly released Senate financial disclosures, says he brought in some $1,042,000 last year. Much of that, $795,000, came in the form of a book advance for his newest offering, "Our Revolution: A Future to Believe In." Believe in? How about "a future to ka-ching in."
Mr. Sanders made nearly $860,000 in royalties for a pair of books, his disclosures say. His job in the Senate pays $174,000 a year, so he made a boatload from his second job.
That second book, which brought in $63,750 for the socialist overlord, is titled "The Bernie Sanders Guide to Political Revolution." It doesn't even come out until August. And with it he'll tap a desirable demographic: The book is targeted at teens to help them "learn more about progressive causes and how to mobilize around key issues they care about," Teen Vogue says. Yeah, you can help the cause by buying this $27 book - in hardback, please. That'll teach you about America, kids!
Now, one might think that ol' Bernie, good socialist that he is, would share some of that cash with his "sisters and brothers" in the movement. But shocker: Selfish Bernie is keeping all of that moolah for himself.
Mr. Sanders, 75, who grew up poor in Brooklyn, seems to enjoy the good life. Like any good capitalist, he keeps consuming, buying a third home in 2016, a four-bedroom waterfront house on Lake Champlain in Vermont. Mr. Sanders and his wife own another home in nearby Burlington, as well a pricey townhouse in an upscale neighborhood on Capitol Hill in Washington, D.C.
Not bad for a poor little socialist - some of those losers don't even have one house.
But you won't find that new home listed under Mr. Sanders' own name. Instead, the ownership is hidden behind a family trust. "I am a co-trustee in a family trust created when we bought a summer home," he said. But isn't that what ALL great socialists say? And they want fun with the name: Islands Family Trust.
The senator's disclosures also show his wife's retirement mutual funds, too, but in broad terms: Those are worth anywhere from $192,000 to $815,000. But why bother with those? The state will provide; government is the one and only answer. Who needs money of your own?
What's more, very little is known about Mr. Sanders' real financial situation. He never released his tax returns. (Remember the clamor about President Trump's tax returns? Yeah, that doesn't apply to mainstream media darlings like Mr. Sanders).
Mr. Sanders released only a short summary of his 2014 returns.
In April he tweeted: "How many yachts do billionaires need? How many cars do they need? Give us a break. You can't have it all."
But really, how many houses does somebody need? For most people, the answer is one. Perhaps it's different for socialists, though.
Still, Bernie, if you're listening, help a brother out, huh? I could really use a couple hundred thousand dollars so I can buy a beach house.
And you've got three houses, so, c'mon, it's only fair. I'll even name the family trust for my oceanfront mansion after you.
• Joseph Curl has covered politics for 25 years, including 12 years as White House correspondent at The Washington Times. He can be reached at email@example.com and on Twitter via @josephcurl.